10 books that helped me through my mom’s Alzheimer’s and long goodbye

I've learned that there's no right or wrong way to grieve, and it's never linear. These 10 books helped me feel less alone during the process of losing my mom to Alzheimer's.

When my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2021, I had no idea what we were in for. Had I known what I know now, I’m not sure if I could do it again. Well, of course, I could, but sometimes not knowing what to expect — entering the unknown — is easier, at least I think so.

Now I feel like I have so much knowledge about caring for an aging parent (or a person with a terminal illness), from the emotional to the logistical to the administrative stuff that, honestly, I wish I never had to learn. But I suppose we all go through this someday.

Something that helped keep me sane over the last four and a half years was reading other people’s stories about love, loss, and grief. Regardless of the type of loss, grief is complicated. It tugs on your little heart when you least expect it, but in some weird way, it’s also manageable and even, at times, enlightening.

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Alzheimer’s comes with a very particular type of anticipatory grief and ambiguous loss, but even stories about other types of loss have helped me feel less alone during and after my mom’s long goodbye. So I’ve compiled a list of books in case you’re interested. I think many of them are enjoyable reads (aside from one practical one that’s specific to Alzheimer’s), even if you’re not in the midst of it.

1. Goodbye, Vitamin by Rachel Khong
This deep yet funny novel is about a daughter moving home as her father’s memory slips away. I love that it’s formatted like a journal and reads more like a memoir. It captures that strange mix of absurdity and heartbreak that comes with watching a parent slowly disappear while you’re still trying to live your own life. Note: Thanks again for the rec, reader, and friend, Kadine!

2. All the Way to the River by Elizabeth Gilbert
In this memoir, Liz Gilbert writes in a very raw, open way about caring for a loved one through illness and addiction; it’s not for everyone. I admire her devotion right to the end.

3. How to Lose Your Mother: A Daughter’s Memoir by Molly Jong-Fast
This witty, complicated, and somewhat unsentimental memoir explores what it’s like to lose your mother long before she’s gone. It made me feel less alone in some of the confusing grief of having a parent who is physically here but emotionally unreachable.

4. I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy
While I am not glad my mom died, I found this one darkly funny and brutally honest. McCurdy writes about an enmeshed, controlling mother and the complicated relief that followed her death. It’s not about Alzheimer’s, but it highlights the messy truth that mother loss is rarely simple.

5. Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End by Atul Gawande
In this one, surgeon and writer Atul Gawande examines how modern medicine approaches aging and death, and what it often gets wrong. It made me think deeply about dignity, autonomy, and what “a good end” actually means.

6. The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion
Didion’s account of losing her husband captures the irrational logic of early grief. It helped me understand how the mind tries to bargain with the unbearable.

7. The 36-Hour Day by Nancy L. Mace and Peter V. Rabins
This practical guidebook walks through the realities of caring for someone with dementia. It’s not poetic, but it’s useful when you need real answers.

8. In Love: A Memoir of Love and Loss by Amy Bloom
Bloom writes about her husband’s decision to pursue assisted dying (at Dignitas in Switzerland) after an Alzheimer’s diagnosis. It’s both courageous and devastating, but I think we should have the ability and freedom to choose what type of life is worth living.

9. Ten Thousand Joys & Ten Thousand Sorrows: A Couple’s Journey Through Alzheimer’s by Olivia Ames Hoblitzelle
This memoir follows a wife caring for her husband with Alzheimer’s while searching for meaning inside the chaos. It’s spiritual without being preachy, and reminds you that even in decline, there can still be moments of connection. In fact, an even deeper connection than before, in my experience!

10. Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner
Zauner’s memoir about losing her mother to cancer is as much about identity as it is about grief. It captures that longing to hold onto someone through food, memory, and culture, even after they’re gone.

Are there any books you’d add to this list? Please share in the comments! I’m always looking for recs. (I also just finished Wintering by Katherine May, which I’ll likely write about separately!)

See you soon,

Alexis

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