On the relief of getting older

Let's get philosophical together!

Hello,

I’m trying something a little different with this letter today. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how while sometimes we resist getting older or sort of romanticize our younger days, there is also a lot of relief (at least for me) in getting older and having a different outlook and being more comfortable with who I am, knowing what I want, what I don’t want, and the general relief of it all. It’s something I didn’t necessarily expect when I looked into the future as a younger person (I’m sure anyone over 50 reading this is thinking, Oh, you just wait!).

I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been reading The Daily Stoic every morning for the last year+ or if I’m just becoming more philosophical in my old(er) age, but I thought I’d pose a question for all of us, answer it, then give you space to answer it in the comments, if you wish.

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Today’s question: What part of getting older has been a relief, something you didn’t expect to enjoy as much as you do now?

The biggest relief of getting older is not caring nearly as much about things like pleasing everyone, looking a certain way, or following a particular path in life. I’m enjoying (excuse my French) giving fewer fucks, setting more boundaries, and the decreased urgency to do or be more. I’m more content with staying in the present moment, versus worrying about what’s next or what I should or could have done in the past.

I find being comfortable with a certain level of spontaneity freeing, especially as someone who once felt like I always needed a plan. I also never thought I’d enjoy getting in bed with a good book at 9 pm on a Saturday, but here we are.

I believe we have seasons in life. My 30s involved many changes (some good and some bad, but all informative and transformative). This included divorce, moving to Amsterdam, building a successful freelance business in another country, and dealing with my mom’s Alzheimer’s.

Related art, just because. Aging Beyond Modernism (The Modernism Project) is a series of painted portraits by Kim Rae Taylor that document the women artists who emerged in the first half of the twentieth century.

I can’t help but wonder what the season of my 40s will bring. Not to be cliché, but I sense an awakening or a new beginning. As you may have read in my last post, my mom recently passed away. It brought an end to her (and our families’) suffering. It feels strange to say that I’m motherless now. It’s a fact, but it’s something I’m still trying to wrap my head around. I’m grieving her, of course, and also my younger self. But it has been a long and bumpy road since her Alzheimer’s diagnosis, and the load of bricks I felt like I was carrying around feels like they’re slowly crumbling one by one. The experience has given me a new outlook on life and what’s truly important (it’s not about work and money; it’s about family, friends, and taking good care of yourself — mentally and physically). Once the clouds of this period in my life clear — I guess this period of grief and mourning, but also one of transformation and enlightenment — I’m excited to start living fully in this new season. And with that, I think comes an excitement about aging and embracing what’s next (it’s, of course, better than the alternative, which is something my mom always said). I’m enjoying this new season or phase in my life so far, where I don’t really know what to expect, but I know who I am and, generally, what I want. For me, that is the biggest relief about getting older.

Thanks for reading. This was a bit all over the place, but I thought it could be an interesting way to spark conversation. So, I hope you enjoyed it, and I look forward to hearing from you in the comments.

Take care,

Alexis

P.S. A few friends have asked about my daily journaling practice and what I write about. It really depends! But I thought it’d be fun to share some daily journaling prompts (so we can be philosophical together?). If that interests you, check out this post 👉 365 days of journaling.

Feel free to respond to today’s question in the comments of this post or hit reply if you’d rather just write to me. :)

Want to suggest a question for the next issue? Write to me at alexismeradamen@substack.com