Do you think about your second half of life?
Or is it just me? I'm starting a new Q&A series called "Second Half" and would love for you to get involved! More info below.
Hello and welcome to Mera Magazine, a place where I—a 40-year-old writer lady living in Amsterdam—explore my latest obsessions. Currently, that’s chipping away at how people of all ages are thinking about the second half of their lives. In other words, if you still have no idea what you’re doing (and would love to chat about it!), you’re in the right place.
Lately, I’ve been obsessed with exploring that question from every angle: the profound, the practical, the vain, and the funny. Through personal essays, interviews, experiments, and the occasional existential crisis, I’m trying to make sense of what it means to get older—and live life to the fullest—on my terms.
It’s something that has been top of mind since my mom died on January 1, 2025, following nearly five years of living with Alzheimer’s. The day after she died, I did what I now realize is called grief math. I calculated how many days she had lived and how many days I had already lived when I lost her. When I realized—only three months into my 40s—I’d already lived more than half the number of days she ever got, it got me thinking, and since then, I’ve been ruminating on how I want to live my second half.
Spoiler: I’m a long way from having answers! But I’m hoping that writing about it and talking to other people will help me figure it out.
Reflecting on the life you’ve lived so far, and what you want to do and experience next, is a fun and enlightening exercise. Major life events can contribute to this thinking, at least in my experience, but I’ve become so curious about this topic that I’d love to hear from more people about how you’re thinking about your second half of life and how you’d (in an ideal world) live it. I’m a realist too, so I know life has its own plan for me, but it’s nice to dream!
Read on for my Second Half Q&A. If you’d like to participate in the series, fill out this form (it takes around 20 minutes). The more the merrier! You can also answer it anonymously if you prefer.
My Second Half Q&A
Is there a part of yourself that you’re hoping to rediscover in your second half of life?
Definitely! I’ve noticed since my late 30s that I’m exploring some of my earlier hobbies again, like painting and jewelry-making, but I think there’s something deeper I’m searching for. I’m not even sure if “searching” is the right word, but I’m always trying to figure out how to reach the more carefree version of myself. I’m not sure if it’s possible because, of course, as we get older, our responsibilities change, and we’ve naturally been through more hard shit in life.
What do you care less about now than you did 10 to 20 years ago?
Oh, so much! But the biggest things are that I no longer feel the need or pressure to follow a conventional life path (i.e., marriage, kids, climbing the career ladder, etc.). I used to be super focused on my career and my job title, but nowadays, as long as I’m making enough money to live the lifestyle I want and doing work that doesn’t make me want to pull my hair out, I don’t really care what title you give me.
Conversely, what do you care more about now than you did 10 to 20 years ago?
I care so much more about protecting my time to do the things that help me relax and feel good. Simple things. Reading. Exercising. Going to my weekly oil painting class. Experimenting in the kitchen. Getting in bed by 9 pm! I noticed a huge shift in how I prioritized my rest and well-being starting in my late 30s. I think it was partially due to the experience of losing my mom to Alzheimer’s and realizing just how short life can be. You just never know how your life will unfold. So why spend all of it working or doing something that stresses you out? I realize, of course, that it’s a privilege to have choices and some level of financial freedom, but this has been a massive shift for me. I’ve gone from being an ambition monster to a hobby whore (I should trademark that… ha!).
When you imagine a good life at 60, 70, or 80, what does it look and feel like?
It looks like a cute apartment with a sea view and frequent travel, as long as my body and mind allow it. A partner to share it with (hopefully the same one I have now!). Lots of like-minded friends (old and new). Visits from family and friends. I hope to feel “young” physically as long as possible—fingers crossed that all the Padel and CrossFit help with this! After experiencing my mom’s Alzheimer’s, I worry that I’m next, so a good life as I age also means staying mentally sharp and independent. If not, I give my partner permission to throw me off a bridge!
Have any major losses, disappointments, or life transitions changed how you think about your second half?
Yes, 100%. Watching my mom change and disappear and eventually die as Alzheimer’s ate away at her brain and her personality has changed so much about me and my priorities. If there is anything positive that has come from the experience, it’s that I have a better understanding of how precious time is. And that doesn’t mean you need to be out and about having the most extravagant life experiences ever; it just means you need to think about what’s most important to you and do that. Whether it’s spending time with family and friends, discovering the world, or spending Saturday on the sofa with a good book, it’s up to you. Just make sure you prioritize based on your preferences and desires because you’ll never get the time back.
What are you no longer willing to postpone?
I think I’m mainly not willing to postpone doing things—anything—that scares me. I think there’s so much we hold off on because of fear of the unknown or of change, and then we end up living in the past. In my experience so far, all of the hardest and scariest experiences in my life have blown new doors wide open. Something else I’d add here is having tough conversations with people about topics I’ve been avoiding for some reason or another.
What role do work, achievement, or ambition play in your life today compared to earlier chapters?
Initially, I wanted to say they play no role at all these days, but that’s not true, and I’m just realizing it now as I answer this question. What I’m ambitious about has just changed. I used to want to have some fancy job title, like “director” or “head of” whatever… But nowadays I’m focused on writing, mainly to connect with readers, and then as a form of self-achievement. I want to write and publish a book, which I’m learning is quite ambitious, especially as I’m unknown and don’t have much of a platform. But I keep telling myself to take baby steps and, like most other things in life, I’ll figure it out, or I’ll fail, and it will be a huge learning experience and propel me into my next meant-to-be chapter.
What have you learned about happiness that your younger self wouldn’t have understood?
There is no script or guidebook. Make sure you look inward, rather than at what everyone else is doing. That’s the only way to find true happiness. This is something you’ll work on forever! Happiness doesn’t grow on trees, unfortunately. Also, it’s ok not to be happy all the time.
If the second half of life has a theme or guiding principle for you, what would it be?
Seeking novelty.
What does growing older mean to you now?
Growing wiser and realizing that I can make it through anything.
What are you still trying to figure out?
Wtf I’m doing with my life.
What belief about life have you changed your mind about?
Work is just work. It doesn’t define you. In fact, it shouldn’t! Unless you’re a writer, then OK, it can define you.
What are you trying to say “yes” to more these days?
New experiences. Essentially, anything that scares me or that I’ve never tried before, sign me up!
What are you trying to say “no” to more these days?
Anything that makes me feel tense at the thought of it. A client project, a social event, a favor, etc. I’m also trying to protect my time more. I just don’t have the stamina to socialize and be “on” as much as I did before. I used to feel bad about this, but I’m embracing it more and more.
What are you learning to let go of?
Control and the societal normative version of “success”.
What feels more urgent now than it did ten years ago?
Quality sleep.
What would make you look back and think, “I used my time well”?
At the moment, what comes to mind is if I could touch people’s lives through my writing. Make them feel less alone. And also, seeing as much of the world as possible, which is contradictory because writing requires a lot of sitting on my ass, but thankfully, I can do that from anywhere!
What do you hope people remember about you when you’re gone?
That I was kind, funny, and pleasant to be around, but what they’ll probably remember is how bossy I was. Lol. I meant well!
Thanks for reading!
P.S. If you’d like to participate in the series, fill out this form (it takes around 20 minutes). The more the merrier! You can also answer it anonymously if you prefer.
In the last year I turned 63 and retired. The way I look at it, there are actually three phases in our lives: childhood through high school or college education, our working/professional life, and retired life. Everyone guides you through the first two phases but little attention is given to transitioning to and living in the third. Since we're all living much longer than we did a century ago, we need to seriously think about how to not only transition into retirement but how to thrive during it. Many of us still feel alive and full of energy. I know I feel the same if not more energetic than ever but there definitely is a difference between pouring that energy into our work life and our latter years. Just something to think about!
I’m 65 now, so unless I’m living to be 130, I’m well past half way through. That being said, in the past decade my life has gotten better and better. I’m doing my own thing — wellness coaching, creating writings and art — and am being the best me I’ve ever been. Age puts no limits on learning, exploration, and growth.