Second Half: Asia Dawn Simonelli

"I don’t believe we figure things out as we get older."

Welcome to Second Half… an interview series exploring how people of all ages are thinking about the second half of their lives. This week, I’d like to introduce you to my first guest, Asia Dawn Simonelli, a relationship coach and writer exploring what happens after life doesn’t go according to plan.

Name: Asia Dawn Simonelli

Age: 42

Location: Barcelona, Spain

Relationship status: Single

Hobbies: Writing, running (former Ironman & marathoner, now here for all the fun runs), reading (mostly fiction), traveling, hiking, personal development, finding the best coffee and co-working cafes, sending 20-minute voice notes to friends back home.

Personal or side projects: Not sure if it’s a “project”, but raising my daughter has been my primary focus for the last four years. Writing on Substack is a passion of mine, and I’d like to dedicate more time to it and grow.

Occupation: I’m a heartbreak and relationship coach for single women. I launched my coaching business in 2017 after going through the worst heartbreak of my life, and now it’s my mission to help other single women heal their hearts too.

At times, I get paid for my writing—ghostwriting (for Forbes), content creation (for other coaches and small businesses), articles (mostly travel-related or personal, like this juicy essay about my divorce in HuffPost).

I’ve also dabbled in business coaching, international business development, and community management. I’m always up for new projects that are 1) remote and 2) bring me joy.

Kids: I have a daughter who will be turning four soon. I got pregnant (unexpectedly and divinely) at 38. Having a child has absolutely shaped how I feel about literally everything.

Who are you, and what should we know about you right off the bat?

My divorce at 32 changed the trajectory of my life.

I went from following a very traditional American path, with all the (made-up) American rules—school, grad school, climbing the corporate ladder, striving for a ring—to someone who left it all behind for a more unconventional life abroad.

I’ve backpacked and solo traveled. I’ve had some of the best years of my life living in Mexico City and Rome. Today, I’m a single mom living in Spain, co-parenting with my ex from Italy.

It’s funny how opposite these two versions of me are. Each one had its season, but I can’t imagine going back to how things were before.

Is there a part of yourself that you’re hoping to rediscover in your second half of life?

Continuing to tap more into my creative side!

I was very into music as a child and took piano lessons through university. And then, I stopped, almost overnight. Maybe it was because I didn’t have a piano of my own. Perhaps it was because I kept moving. Maybe it was because I was so into what my boyfriend was doing at the time (lifting weights), or that I didn’t have my parents harping on me to practice one hour a day every single day. For whatever reason, I completely let this side of me go for more than 20 years. I miss it, and I’m so ready to get it back.

What do you care less about now than you did 10 to 20 years ago?

I definitely care less about my relationship status. In my 20s, I was in a long-term relationship and found myself waiting for a ring. I was even on a game show where my nickname was the “Aspiring Fiance”. How embarrassing!

In my 30s, I “finally” got married… and then we quickly divorced. You can read more about that here and here.

After this shocking event, my entire world shifted, and I found myself caring much less about the sanctuary of marriage. It took time (and a lot of work and healing), but now I find it absolutely fantastic to be single. In fact, I’ve built my entire personal brand around it.

That said, I will happily open space for someone who enhances my life. I don’t feel the need to be in a traditional relationship just for the sake of it.

What do you care more about now than you did 10 to 20 years ago?

I think about our mortality much more now, whereas I barely gave it a second thought 10 years ago. I’m not sure if this is something that came with age or with having a child, but I am painstakingly aware that my time on earth is finite.

Consequently, I care much more about taking care of my mental and physical health. I want to be around for as much of my daughter’s life as possible.

When you imagine a good life at 60, 70, or 80, what does it look and feel like?

Fortunately, I have some good role models to help me answer this question. What immediately comes to mind is freedom and family.

60s: My mom once told me she’s sad she won’t be able to read all the books ever written. She reads more than anyone I know and definitely knows how to relax! She travels internationally to visit us each year (often multiple times), and is a wonderful mom to her three daughters and Oma to her four grandkids.

Amy Brown is 66 and has become one of my closest friends in Barcelona. She’s a natural networker and social butterfly. (We met on Substack!) I love her story of boldly starting over and moving to a new country alone in this decade of life.

70s: My dad travels more than I do (and is not the best at relaxing). After spending most of his years traveling for work, he now travels for leisure—to a second home in Ecuador, to volunteer in Vietnam, or to visit his daughter and granddaughter in Europe. My mom accompanies him on these trips whenever she pleases, but he has the stamina for trains, planes, and time zone changes that most do not.

80s: My Nana was the matriarch of our family. As she grew older, we always came to her home in Boston to celebrate Christmas. I have the fondest memories of her sing-songy voice, her delicious Italian-American cooking, and the countless times we all gathered around the table to play games, shout, and laugh way too loudly late into the night. What a dream to be surrounded by so much joy and laughter well into your final years.

Have any major losses, disappointments, or life transitions changed how you think about your second half?

I wasn’t sure if I’d ever have kids, but after becoming pregnant at 38, my world was forever changed. Becoming a mom was a blessing in disguise, but I would be lying if I said my introduction to parenthood was easy.

Before, I was used to only living for myself. Now, I’m trying to build a happy, healthy life for the two of us and navigate it with a co-parent who is, fortunately, a very present father. Life has certainly gotten more layered and complex.

What are you no longer willing to postpone?

My book! When I was five, I said I wanted to be an author and illustrator of children’s books. I had a poem published in Highlights magazine. I wrote newsletters for my friends. I have always been a writer.

Fast forward to adulthood, where I have a near-complete outline in Scrivener on an old laptop for a book I thought I would write six years ago… I’m not sure if that is the book I will bring to life first, but I have so many ideas—from personal development to auto-fiction—that I don’t want to wait any longer. My inner child is literally screaming at me to make time for it.

What role do work, achievement, or ambition play in your life today compared to earlier chapters?

I used to think my work status and titles were the end-all-be-all. Now, my feelings around work follow a more European approach: I work to live. I don’t live to work. This has allowed me to focus more on my passions, like writing and travel, and given me the flexibility in my schedule to spend more time with my daughter.

What have you learned about happiness that your younger self wouldn’t have understood?

Chasing the job, the home, the relationship, the status… none of it leads to sustained happiness. This is going to sound cliché, but outside of your basic needs being met, happiness really is an inside job. It doesn’t come from some grand achievement.

Happiness is found in the little things, in the present moment. It’s writing from a chiringuito (summer beach bar) in the sand on a Wednesday morning and going for a dip in the Mediterranean. It’s watching my daughter get chocolate gelato all over her face and then run around hysterically on a sugar high. It’s a solo coffee date. It’s enjoying a glass of wine and going deep in conversations with loved ones.

If the second half of life has a theme or guiding principle for you, what would it be?

It’s never too late. Period.

What does growing older mean to you now?

I contemplated my response to this question as I was floating in the sea, and this is the mantra that came to me: more time for pleasure, less time for bullshit. And I think that’s beautiful.

What are you still trying to figure out?

Ummm, everything? I don’t believe we figure things out as we get older. Maybe we just get better at improvising or winging it. It’s funny. I used to think my parents had all the answers, but they were probably just figuring things out as they went along too.

What belief about life have you changed your mind about?

What home is “supposed to” look like and what it means to “settle down”. I no longer believe that home is found in one place, and I often explore this idea in my writing.

What are you trying to say “yes” to more these days?

New experiences! There is so much to discover in Barcelona: the distinct neighborhoods, the music scene, the culture, food, and art. I feel alive here.

What are you trying to say “no” to more these days?

Saying “yes” to everything! It can be easy to get caught up in all the magic that this city has to offer, and I’ve gotten better at turning down invitations and canceling plans if I’m no longer up for them.

I’m also trying to travel more consciously, instead of hopping on a plane at every invitation, and focus more on building my life here in Barcelona.

What are you learning to let go of?

Worrying, people-pleasing, fear of failure… all still a work in progress.

What feels more urgent now than it did ten years ago?

My retirement savings? Having another baby? (Just kidding, mom!) Society loves to remind me that my clock is ticking.

What would make you look back and think, “I used my time well”?

I spent quality time with my daughter through all ages and stages. I was intentional about time spent with my parents and sisters, even though the distance was great.

My life didn’t stop after motherhood: I took solo trips and girls’ trips, went on writing retreats, went on ridiculous excursions, and climbed crazy-high mountains.

I didn’t let fear of failure hold me back: from picking up piano again in my 40s, from finishing and publishing my books, from starting a new business, whatever it may be.

I continued to put myself out there and try new things, year after year after year.

What do you hope people remember about you when you’re gone?

I had so much fun with Asia! She was a positive influence in my life and was there when I needed her. She helped me feel less alone in my struggles.

She was a dedicated mother and loyal friend.

She was brave, lived a full life, and did things her way (cue Frank Sinatra).

Hopefully, I will leave people with a book or two to remember me by, too.

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Big thanks to Asia for taking the time to answer my questions, and as always, thanks for reading! Leave a comment or question for her below. 💬

P.S. If you’d like to participate in my Second Half series, fill out this form. The more the merrier! You can also answer it anonymously if you prefer.