Thanks for sharing this step in the journey Alexis. It is hard to make that shift to parenting a parent and you describe it well. Also, good on your for recognizing those moments you will miss and TRYING to find comfort in them. Hang in there!
This is really beautiful and poignant, Alexis. Such a loving tribute to your mom.
I had one of those odd "swapped position" moments when my husband and I were staying with a relative (who has dementia) and he and I accepted a grocery delivery filled with diaper disposal bags, diaper cream and baby wipes. I couldn't help but think of how the delivery driver was likely seeing a couple with a newborn at home, but that was so different from the reality.
It made me think about how new parents proudly show off pictures and share stories, and get so much attention and excitement from others... but how we tend to keep quiet about providing that sort of care to our elders. So it's good to come here and read about you and your mom. I think these types of parenting stories are just as important to share.
Thanks, Marci! I'm glad my story resonated with you, and that's so true! It's hard, but I think we should share more of these difficult (and less celebratory) moments. They're a big part of life, too. Thanks again for your comment!
This essay both broke my heart and warmed it too. This is so so poignant. I can just be glad you are growing and accepting that new role. That's tremendous of you, not everybody can do it. I know I can't.
Crying. A great piece but heatbreaking. Going through this with you (my mum died 20 years ago but her identical twin, my aunt, has dementia and is in an aged care home. I dressed her for the first time the other day. I miss her so much).
Thank you, Denise. Heartbreaking, indeed. But writing about it helps, and hearing that it resonates with lovely readers like you also helps. Thank you for reading and commenting! Means a lot. How did the dressing go? It's so strange when the roles reverse, right? <3
It went fine. I had to take her to a specialist appointment and they needed to check her heart, needed shirt and bra off. She makes it very difficult but not in a mean way; she just plays around and gets distracted. The heart dude was annoyed because I took too long getting her undressed, and then once that was done she couldn't flow his instructions (all in one breath: “lay down there on your side and turn towards this piece of equipment. What's your date of birth?”). I told him we'll need to just focus on one of those things at a time.
But aside from the clueless medical dude who got a bit huffy, it was fine. She's one of my closest friends and I feel terrible that I miss her when she's not even dead. But we can't talk like we used to, I can only step into her world and pretend she's making sense, and occasionally make her laugh by saying a rude world or something. I love her and I love helping her, but I miss her.
OH yeah! I get that. I miss my mom SO MUCH. She's been gone for a while, just leaving her body behind. It's like they're somewhere between life and death, as morbid as that sounds. I can completely understand how that doctor visit must have been frustrating. Sometimes people just don't get it and don't realize how much prompting and assistance someone in the later stages of dementia needs. <3
Absolutely beautiful. This is an inevitable phase we all must face with aging parents. It’s not easy at all. But, I trust that we, their children, will have evolved enough in our adulthood by the time we have to care for them to be strong, wise, and enlightened enough to carry us through this chapter of life. I hope you continue to carry this endearing and sweet perspective of your mother in this phase. You’re an amazing daughter.
Thank you, Charlene! Agreed. I keep trying to remind myself that this is inevitable and that I'm not alone in going through it. Appreciate your kind words! <3
Thanks for sharing this step in the journey Alexis. It is hard to make that shift to parenting a parent and you describe it well. Also, good on your for recognizing those moments you will miss and TRYING to find comfort in them. Hang in there!
Thank you, Edie! 💜
This is really beautiful and poignant, Alexis. Such a loving tribute to your mom.
I had one of those odd "swapped position" moments when my husband and I were staying with a relative (who has dementia) and he and I accepted a grocery delivery filled with diaper disposal bags, diaper cream and baby wipes. I couldn't help but think of how the delivery driver was likely seeing a couple with a newborn at home, but that was so different from the reality.
It made me think about how new parents proudly show off pictures and share stories, and get so much attention and excitement from others... but how we tend to keep quiet about providing that sort of care to our elders. So it's good to come here and read about you and your mom. I think these types of parenting stories are just as important to share.
Thanks, Marci! I'm glad my story resonated with you, and that's so true! It's hard, but I think we should share more of these difficult (and less celebratory) moments. They're a big part of life, too. Thanks again for your comment!
This essay both broke my heart and warmed it too. This is so so poignant. I can just be glad you are growing and accepting that new role. That's tremendous of you, not everybody can do it. I know I can't.
Thanks, Jess! Appreciate your kind words. I felt I didn't really have a choice, tbh. It's definitely not easy, but it is what it is! <3
Crying. A great piece but heatbreaking. Going through this with you (my mum died 20 years ago but her identical twin, my aunt, has dementia and is in an aged care home. I dressed her for the first time the other day. I miss her so much).
Thank you, Denise. Heartbreaking, indeed. But writing about it helps, and hearing that it resonates with lovely readers like you also helps. Thank you for reading and commenting! Means a lot. How did the dressing go? It's so strange when the roles reverse, right? <3
It went fine. I had to take her to a specialist appointment and they needed to check her heart, needed shirt and bra off. She makes it very difficult but not in a mean way; she just plays around and gets distracted. The heart dude was annoyed because I took too long getting her undressed, and then once that was done she couldn't flow his instructions (all in one breath: “lay down there on your side and turn towards this piece of equipment. What's your date of birth?”). I told him we'll need to just focus on one of those things at a time.
But aside from the clueless medical dude who got a bit huffy, it was fine. She's one of my closest friends and I feel terrible that I miss her when she's not even dead. But we can't talk like we used to, I can only step into her world and pretend she's making sense, and occasionally make her laugh by saying a rude world or something. I love her and I love helping her, but I miss her.
I'm sure you get it.
OH yeah! I get that. I miss my mom SO MUCH. She's been gone for a while, just leaving her body behind. It's like they're somewhere between life and death, as morbid as that sounds. I can completely understand how that doctor visit must have been frustrating. Sometimes people just don't get it and don't realize how much prompting and assistance someone in the later stages of dementia needs. <3
Absolutely beautiful. This is an inevitable phase we all must face with aging parents. It’s not easy at all. But, I trust that we, their children, will have evolved enough in our adulthood by the time we have to care for them to be strong, wise, and enlightened enough to carry us through this chapter of life. I hope you continue to carry this endearing and sweet perspective of your mother in this phase. You’re an amazing daughter.
Thank you, Charlene! Agreed. I keep trying to remind myself that this is inevitable and that I'm not alone in going through it. Appreciate your kind words! <3
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