Don’t do it for the money or the fame, you’ll likely never have either.
Do it for personal achievement, to connect with readers, because it’s therapeutic/cathartic, or for some other reason that feels good to you.
Don’t quit your day job (because 1 & 2 above).
A chronology of events is less important than writing about how you felt, what you learned, and how your experiences have shaped you. (I’ve realized that I wasted a lot of time recounting unnecessary details as I begin working on my book proposal.)
Identify a few key themes that you’ll focus on in your memoir, and do it before you begin outlining chapters. For example, some of mine are: loss and grief, redefining traditional milestones, emotional inheritance, and so on.
Once you’ve identified themes, work out how you can weave relevant stories and events into those themes.
Don’t worry too much about how to order chapters in the beginning; this will probably change. And it doesn’t have to go in chronological order.
The things that feel hardest to write are probably the things you should write about. (See 9 & 10 below.)
Be vulnerable.
Be honest.
You’re going to feel like an imposter and wonder who will even care about your story, but keep going! (See 1 & 2 above.)
Read A LOT of memoirs. They don’t have to touch on the same themes as yours, but studying the genre helps.
Read the acknowledgments at the end of memoirs. Most authors list their agents there, so you can look them up and add them to your list of potential agents, assuming what they’re looking for matches the type of memoir you’re working on.
Show the reader what you experienced and felt, don’t just tell. For example, instead of “I was scared”, show them by describing the moment, “My pulse echoed through my body like a warning sign. I had to get out of there. All signs in my mind were pointing to the exit.” (Excerpt from this essay.)
You don’t have to write the whole book before you seek out an agent and publisher. Start with a book proposal. More on that here.
There are so many different tips out there for developing the right writing routine and how first drafts are always messy, etc. I think they are, but also, just work on it/write in a way that’s sustainable for you. Morning, afternoon, at 2 am, in your notes app, in your head while taking a shower, whatever. I’m realizing that a lot of the writing happens when I’m not sitting at my desk, as odd as that sounds. I need a lot of time to ruminate, and then it just suddenly falls out of my head, usually at 4:33 am, which is inconvenient, but what can I do?
More soon!
Alexis
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Alexis, your fourth point particularly resonated with me: a memoir is not simply a chronology of events, but an exploration of how those experiences shaped us.
I have completed a four-volume memoir spanning my childhood during China's Cultural Revolution and my later journey in America. One of my greatest discoveries in writing it was that the meaning of an experience often becomes clear only many years later.
I also appreciate your reminder to write for reasons deeper than fame or financial reward. For me, memoir writing has been a way to understand a life across changing times, cultures, and personal circumstances.
Thank you for sharing these thoughtful lessons.
Great advice, thank you!