The 12 most annoying people you’ll meet on public transit

Myself included.

Photo by Victor Rodriguez on Unsplash—a very real shot of the NYC Subway during rush hour, something I absolutely do NOT miss.

When I moved to Amsterdam and traded the New York City subway for a bike, I thought my days of being trapped near strangers with unholy body odor were behind me. I rarely take public transportation here—just the occasional train to the airport or another city—but recently, thanks to construction and what I can only assume was a cosmic prank, my 45-minute ride to Rotterdam turned into a 2-hour-and-45-minute saga.

I figured I could either spiral or treat it like an Artist Date (thanks, Julia Cameron). So, I opened my Notes app and documented the delightful cast of characters who clearly came together for one reason: to test how long I could go without losing my damn mind.

1. The Human Megaphone

Talks at a volume that suggests they think they’re the train conductor.

2. The Phone Oversharer

Thinks they’re being discreet, but now you know every detail of their yeast infection and their ex’s suspicious new tattoo.

3. The Manspreader

Sprawled across two seats and the fragile remains of your hope for personal space.

4. The Doomed Young Lovers

Clinging to each other like they’ll have to say goodbye forever once the train reaches its final stop. Barf.

5. The TikTok Blaster

Scrolling at full volume like they’ve never heard of headphones or shame.

6. The Seat Hoarder

Occupies four seats with a tote bag, a trench coat, and the ruins of a sandwich from 2008.

7. The Staring Kid

Locks eyes with you like you're in a horror movie. Doesn’t blink. Doesn’t flinch. You hide behind your hands and peep through—nope, still staring.

8. The Drowsy Neighbor

Falls asleep and uses your shoulder like a rental pillow with zero remorse.

9. The Undercover Singer

Softly (but passionately) belting out Billie Eilish like they’re auditioning for The Voice: Public Transit Edition.

10. The Adorable Old Couple

Whispering sweet nothings at a respectable volume. Annoyingly wholesome.

11. The Content Creator

Filming a Reel in seat 14B like they’re front row at Paris Fashion Week. Ring light and outfit changes included.

12. The Silent Observer

Calmly taking notes. Definitely judging everyone. Might be writing this list. Me.

See you soon,

Alexis

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Comments

1. What has been your weirdest/most stressful/most annoying public transportation experience?

2. What characters would you add to this list?

3. How are you?

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In case you’re new here, hey! I’m Alexis—a Dutch-American writer from New York, now living in Amsterdam. Here, I share a mix of raw, honest, and funny words from the perspective of a kid-free woman approaching 40. Thanks for reading!