Cool Shit #1: Walking, gua sha, and 4-hour work days
AKA things that have recently brought me joy.
👋 Hello! Welcome back to The Cool Aunt—a weekly newsletter where I, a Dutch/American woman approaching 40, share raw, honest, and funny words on living an unconventional, kid-free life.
This is the first edition of a new series called Cool Shit. While I don’t usually strive for perfect balance, I’m more of a seasons gal—sometimes I feel like working harder, sometimes I feel like sitting on my ass, and sometimes I get really into a new workout—I’ve wanted to focus more on taking care of myself for a while. This means making time for myself, spending less time at my desk, traveling more, and working to live versus living to work (living in Europe is surely rubbing off on me, and I’m here for it!).
You may have noticed that I added three categories to the main navigation of my Substack. They are wellbeing, wanderlust, and work. I’ve come to realize that a healthy mix of these three things (can we call them values?) is my sweet spot. So every now and then, I’ll write a post like this one to share my journey of what’s working and to hold myself accountable. I hope you enjoy it!
Wellbeing
Have you heard of the book, Atomic Habits? It’s essentially about how we can make and break habits (I’m bad at book summaries). The author James Clear provides loads of tips and strategies to develop better habits and get rid of the “bad” ones. In the past, after reading this type of book, I would apply my learnings to work. To be more productive. To build “better” habits to make more money or take on more clients. But I’m SO DONE WITH THAT.
Sometimes I feel like an old lady saying that like I’m supposed to be hustling in my prime, whatever the fuck that means. But the hustle is EXHAUSTING. I wish I would have realized that sooner. So instead of trying to build a bigger freelance business and make more money, I’m trying to create more self-care and wellbeing habits. How refreshing! So far, this has included:
Walking more.
Instead of cycling to my coworking space, I’ve started walking. It’s a 30-minute walk each way which is easy peasy and if I add in a lunchbreak stroll, I reach 10k steps per day. Much better than the measly 3,000 steps per day (if I was lucky) that I racked up when I sat glued to my desk all day.
Gua sha.
I still have no idea what it means to “snatch” my jawline or my eyebrows. Haha. But I’m having a gua sha moment (here’s a video I found in case you’re interested). Last week, on a few occasions, I pranced into the living room and told my bf, “It’s gua sha time!” Lol. I think I may have even convinced him to try it with me sometime.
I’m using the habit stacking method that I learned from the Atomic Habits book. Most nights, after I finish my tooth brushing and flossing routine, I throw on my white cotton robe, wash my face, apply jojoba oil, and rub the gua sha stone across my face, around my jawline, and up and down my neck. I’m slightly paranoid about getting turkey neck.
I’m still figuring out the right amount of pressure to apply in each place, but it’s quite relaxing and even if it’s just in my head, I think my skin is looking healthier. That could also be because I’m about to ovulate. Gotta love the skin (and mood) changes that come with the different phases of your menstrual cycle. My boyfriend is so much cuter when I’m ovulating.
The Daily Stoic.
I read a daily entry from this book each morning right after I make my first cappuccino and before I write my morning pages. This is another example of habit stacking. According to Atomic Habits, stacking new habits you’re trying to create with ones you’ve already developed is a great way to make them stick. So far, I can report that the strategy works!
Therapy.
I started therapy again this week. Dealing with my mom’s LONG Alzheimer’s journey and the grief that comes with it is tough shit. I tend to bottle up my feelings. I don’t want to burden friends and family by talking about it regularly, but I really should. I loved the analogy that the therapist used. She said it’s like pushing a beach ball underwater. The harder you push it, the harder it will pop up! The biggest challenge (at least for me) with this disease is that my mom is physically still here, but the mom I once knew is gone. I can’t talk to her the way I used to and I definitely can’t talk to her about all the feelings I have about losing her. Grieving someone’s death when they’re still technically alive is weird as fuck. It was easier when we were struggling to figure out what type of care she needed and putting out fires left and right, but now that all that is steady, I have to actually FEEL. My solution (for now) is to write letters to her about how I’m feeling and about all the things I wish I could talk to her about. I’ll never send them, but at least I’ll get the thoughts out of my head.
Wanderlust
My new life goal is to retire early (like around 55) and live in Praia da Luz Portugal. It is a beautiful small town in the Algarve region of Portugal. I recently spent a two-week workation there with my boyfriend and experienced the perfect balance of wellbeing, wanderlust, and work which honestly, is all I feel like I need these days.
We planned our visit around taking padel lessons at Ocean Padel Club (we managed to take seven lessons and we played in three Americano tournaments). I came in second at one of them! I also went to the spa more times in two weeks than I usually do in one year.
I love the earthy and rustic vibe of the Algarve and there’s so much to do! (If you’re an outdoorsy person.) From hikes to swimming to simply walking along the beach and watching surfers while enjoying the feeling of the sand between your toes. I might even scope out the real estate market there and if it’s affordable (I’m a Cool Aunt, not a Rich Aunt haha), a small apartment overlooking the water sounds AMAZING (as long as I can list it on Airbnb). Anyway, I’m working on a longer post about this trip, so if you have any specific questions, drop them in the comments of this post.
Work
I don’t have a lot to report on the work front. With the way my freelance business is set up, I tend to work with clients long-term rather than constantly hustling to find more. I also have no desire to build an agency, so I typically work with a maximum of three clients per month. I used to accept almost anything that came my way (as long as they had the budget to hire me) and I would outsource some of the work to another writer whom I loved working with. But I realized that by the time I paid him and reviewed/edited his work before turning it over to clients, I was still spending a lot of time on projects. I was making a bit more money, but it wasn’t enough to justify the stress of having more clients and managing someone. I learned that I’d rather focus on my craft than become a people and project manager. Having an agency also means you need to SELL, SELL, SELL. I hate selling.
I’m grateful that I realized this and that I was able to set things up in a way that works for me. Doing this can be difficult when you freelance because there’s always the fear of losing clients, but over the years, I’ve gained the confidence to set boundaries and run my business rather than having my business run me (great way to put it Kristi Keller 🇨🇦 ).
My primary work/business goal lately has been to work less. We are not built to do deep work eight hours a day. Tbh, I’m not sure how I managed to do that for so many years. Now, after I’ve completed three to four hours of deep work, I let myself rest. I still check in via email and Slack, but if something needs to spill over to the next day before it’s done, so be it! And I rarely work on Fridays.
I’ve found that this also helps me gain clarity on things. Some of my projects take months to complete. I become so close to the work that if I don’t zoom out from time to time, I miss ways to improve it. I even tell my clients, “I need some space from this project before I can finalize it.”
I’ve also learned to care less.
Phew! OK, this roundup is longer than I initially thought it would be. So if you made it this far, thanks for reading!
See you soon,
Alexis
P.S. If you liked what you just read and want to support me, please tap the heart and leave a comment below to help more people find it (and so I know what’s resonating). ❤️
Comments
What are your 3 words?
What do you think about having seasons versus striving for balance?
How’s your weekend going?
I love how we women are seeking true abundance by looking beyond the hustle culture. We're so fuckin' smart.
Certainly relate to what you're saying about Alzheimer's. I often think (about my aunt -- my late mother's identical twin who has Alzheimer's) that I never got a chance to say goodbye. She's still there, and I visit her nearly every day, but I miss her.
I love wellbeing, wanderlust and work! These words are perfect for me too.
So sorry to hear about your mum. My grandmother had Alzheimer's disease. It's devastating to see them disappear. I hope you're doing OK, it's not easy.