At 40, I asked ChatGPT if I should get Botox (what it said and what I realized)

"I hope that, as the years pass, I’ll continue to feel proud of who I am—and how I look—at every stage of my life."

“Looking at this photo specifically, I’d put you in the category of someone who could choose Botox for maintenance rather than correction.”

This wasn’t advice from a dermatologist or cosmetic specialist; it was ChatGPT.

I’m turning 41 in September, and earlier this summer, I found myself having a conversation with ChatGPT about whether it thought I needed Botox. I realize there are a few things wrong with getting beauty and cosmetic advice from a machine that lacks both a medical degree and emotional intelligence, but I mainly did it because I was curious what it would say, not because I think someone or something else should tell me whether I need Botox.

Botox had recently come up among a few different friend groups, and everyone’s stance was different, which is to be expected. Before I go any further, I want to say that I think people should do whatever they want to their faces and bodies, as long as they’re doing it for themselves and because it genuinely makes them happy, not because they feel pressured into it. I know that’s easier said than done, but I just want to clarify that I’m not interested in shaming anyone for getting Botox or choosing not to.

That said, I don’t see myself ever getting Botox or any other cosmetic procedure to reduce or turn back the signs of getting older. Unless it’s for health reasons, I just can’t fathom doing it. But also, who knows how I’ll feel in 10 years? The fact that I’m terrified of needles certainly plays a role. The last time I had blood drawn, at 40, the nurse had to reassure me while I explained how afraid I am of needles.

I am, however, not afraid of creams! I wouldn’t say I’m a slave to anti-aging rhetoric, but I’m definitely influenced by it. How could I not be? The anti-aging industry thrives on making us feel like we’re not allowed to age! How else would it be projected to nearly double in market size from now to 2033?¹

During a chat I recently had with Valerie Monroe from How Not to F*ck Up Your Face, she raised an interesting point that there are very few people who age completely naturally. Depending on how you look at it, doing anything at all to your face—even applying moisturizer and SPF—means you’re not aging 100% naturally.

Over the last year or so, I’ve started using retinol a few nights a week, and this summer I’ve slathered more sun cream on my face than I did throughout my entire twenties. I want to look as good as I possibly can. Also, umm... I don’t want skin cancer.

Does that make me vain? Does it mean I’m falling for the fearmongering around aging out of society? I honestly don’t know. I’d like to think I’m not. But when we’re all encouraged to chase youthfulness—even as grown-ass adults—and 68-year-old celebrities somehow look 40, you start to wonder what aging is actually supposed to look like.

I like feeling good when I look in the mirror; I’m human! I’d be lying if I said I haven’t noticed more lines on my neck or the “11s” between my eyebrows (which I prefer to call my “deep thought” lines—ha!). I also sometimes miss the plumper face I had in my twenties.

Even so, I don’t want to change my face. Part of that comes from not wanting to conform to the wildly unrealistic expectations placed on modern women. Sometimes it feels like we’re expected to have everything together—physically, mentally, financially—all the damn time.

After talking with other women and going down a bit of a research rabbit hole, I realized I’ve only scratched the surface of the Botox-and-aging conversation in this piece. There are societal, psychological, and cultural angles that deserve essays of their own. But in an effort to stay focused, let me show you what ChatGPT (aka my new skincare advisor) said.

I gave it the photo below and typed: “I just took this photo. I’m 40. Should I get Botox?”

I’m shaking my head as I type this now because it feels ridiculous that I’d even ask ChatGPT something like this. But I guess that’s the world we’re living in. I tried to keep my face as neutral as possible. Lol. So serious.

I won’t bore you by copying and pasting ChatGPT’s entire response, but here’s the gist.

It said I have healthy, even-toned skin, a few forehead movement lines, a faint vertical line between my brows, and no deeply etched wrinkles at rest. It also pointed out something I hadn’t ever considered: some under-eye hollowing and mild loss of facial volume, which it reassured me “naturally happens around 40.”

Thanks, ChatGPT. I hadn’t even thought about the under-eye hollowing and shadowing, but NOW I have.

Then it walked me through my options depending on my goals, explaining that if I wanted to look less tired, Botox probably wouldn’t be the most effective tool. Maybe I could just get more sleep, but unfortunately, waking up at 3:22 a.m., drenched in sweat, only to lie awake in an endless thought loop about all THE THINGS isn’t exactly conducive to looking well-rested.

As for my forehead, ChatGPT told me: “Looking at this photo specifically, I’d put you in the category of someone who could choose Botox for maintenance rather than correction.”

Then it gave me three options:

1. Do nothing—you already look youthful for 40.

2. Try a very conservative amount of Botox.

3. Focus on skin quality first with moisturizer, SPF, retinol, and a vitamin C serum.

And then, in true ChatGPT fashion, it found a way to keep me engaged. It asked whether my forehead lines became significantly deeper when I raised my eyebrows or frowned, and suggested I upload more photos so it could give me a more specific opinion.

So, of course, I took more weird selfies while my boyfriend and I sat on a bench in a sunny park in Tribeca. See “surprised Alexis” and “grumpy Alexis” below.

“These photos are actually very helpful.” Of course they are, ChatGPT. Of course they are.

Then it went on to explain what it observed during its evaluation of the three expressions I shared in the selfies above. Apparently, I have strong forehead muscle movement and develop horizontal lines easily when animated, which ChatGPT said, “Is exactly the type of wrinkle Botox works well on.”

But most importantly, “When your face returns to neutral, most of those lines disappear. That tells me they are still largely dynamic lines rather than deeply etched static wrinkles.”

It also pointed out that when I frown, a vertical line between my brows remains faintly visible even after my face relaxes. “Of everything I see, this is the area that would benefit the most from Botox. A small amount could soften the tendency to look slightly concerned or focused when you're not intending to.”

LOL. Maybe I like my resting bitch face.

It reassured me that my crow’s feet are minimal and added, “I wouldn’t touch them.”

In the end, it gave me two options:

• Option A: Skip Botox for another year or two. You look great now, and nothing really jumps out as needing correction.

• Option B: Try a conservative treatment for my forehead and 11 lines.

It wrapped up by saying, “People with movement patterns like yours often say after treatment, ‘I don’t look younger. I just look more rested.’ That’s usually the sweet spot.”

Oh, ChatGPT’s beloved “sweet spot”!

Eventually, I got bored with the conversation, put my phone away, and applied more sun cream to my face. The irony, I know!

But as I was noodling on how to connect the dots in this piece, I realized that I never actually told ChatGPT how to measure beauty or what benchmarks or standards to use to advise on whether I need Botox or not. I simply asked whether I should get Botox at 40.

So, naturally, it defaulted to the beauty standards it has learned from the internet. When I later asked how it came to its conclusion, it explained that it was drawing from culturally familiar cosmetic standards: smoother skin being associated with youth, fewer forehead and frown lines being associated with looking rested, firmness and even skin tone being treated as markers of “good” skin, and natural movement being preferred over a visibly frozen appearance.

In other words, even though I never asked it to, it evaluated my face using categories like youthful, healthy, firm, even-toned, and signs of aging. It was evaluating my face according to the beauty standards splashed across the internet and the ones that AI is trained on. It admitted that it’s biased.

“Those standards are not neutral truths. They come from dermatology and cosmetic-marketing language, media images, beauty culture, and patterns in how women’s faces are evaluated. They privilege youth and smoothness, and they can make ordinary signs of living look like defects.”

I was able to think about this objectively. But what about teenagers asking ChatGPT for beauty advice? How scary!

I had this conversation out of curiosity, not because I dislike my face. In fact, it’s the opposite. I like my face, and I can’t imagine changing it. I don’t think I’d feel like myself anymore. But still, I can’t help feeling like we’re not supposed to age. I’m also way too cheap to spend my hard-earned money trying to look younger.

Apparently, a single glabellar (”11s”) treatment in New York City costs somewhere between $240 and $540² and is recommended every three to four months. I’d rather spend that money on travel, making my home more comfortable, or something else that makes me feel good. But we all prioritize different things and have different spending habits. As I said earlier, I’m not here to shame anyone.

No one has ever commented negatively on my appearance, so that’s not what prompted this experiment. I think it’s simply because, as I enter my forties, Botox and aging have become much more common topics among friends and on social media. I appreciate it when women talk openly about what they do or don’t do. I want to hear both sides. I don’t want to live inside a vacuum of Botox shaming—or shaming of anything that women choose to do to their faces or bodies.

It also strikes me how differently the topic shows up depending on where I am. Back home in Amsterdam, I can’t remember ever seeing a Botox advertisement, although I’m sure women here also do it. But while I was in California this summer, I saw this massive sign.

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And last year, in Florida, I noticed a walk-in Botox clinic next to the Chinese takeout restaurant where I stopped before visiting my mom at the memory care facility. I remember texting my brother that I could pick up dinner and squeeze in a Botox appointment while I was at it.

It feels much more in-your-face in the United States, which makes sense, as it’s the dominating country with the highest volume of cosmetic procedures,³ followed by Brazil, Mexico, and Germany.

What other women are doing, feeling, and thinking

I asked friends and women in a 40+ networking group about their thoughts on Botox and feeling like we’re not allowed to age. I specifically asked, “What’s everyone doing, feeling, thinking as it relates to these topics?”

Some women get Botox. Some don’t. Some tried it and stopped. Some are considering it. Almost everyone seemed to be somewhere in the middle and thinking about the same questions in different ways: How do I want to age? What should aging even look like?

I also noticed that when I asked whether I could include their comments in this piece, some women were happy to use their full names, others preferred their first name only, and several wanted to remain anonymous. So I interpreted this as: we’re told not to age, and then we’re left feeling ashamed, like we have to hide it if we do anything about it, or even have an opinion about it. There is, of course, also the possibility that some people just don’t want their personal thoughts displayed on a public forum, regardless of the topic. I get that!

Here’s what various women said, in no particular order:

“My dermatologist has suggested Botox, but seeing her completely line-free face actually made me hesitate more than anything. I’ve found that hydration, vitamin C, moisturizer, good sleep, and cutting back on alcohol have done more for my skin than expensive treatments. I also think there’s more acceptance of aging now than there was a few years ago—grey hair is everywhere!” —Anonymous 40+ woman

“I’m not anti-Botox—I just haven’t done it myself. I’ve earned this face through life, and I’m not ready, if ever, to go beyond good skincare.” —Melissa Mittelstaedt

“What shocks me most isn’t aging; it’s how strange people can look when they overcorrect it. I care more about skincare now than I used to, but I’d rather look my age than chase something that doesn’t feel natural.” —Anonymous 40+ woman

“I liked Botox, but I metabolized it so quickly that I eventually decided it wasn’t worth the money or upkeep. These days, I’d rather spend that money on hobbies—or skincare treatments with longer-term benefits.” —Lynn

“I decided years ago never to do cosmetic injections or surgery. I want my nieces to know it’s okay to age and for people to know what a forty-plus-year-old woman looks like. It doesn’t mean it’s easy to watch myself age in the mirror, but I do my best to care for myself and work through it!” —Meredith Clinton

“I inherited deep forehead lines from my dad, so I’m all for whatever helps you feel better when you look in the mirror. For example, I notice some folks are super passionate about coloring their hair, but that upkeep is not for me. Bring on the grays!” —Jessica S.

“I’m not anti-Botox at all. I’ve just seen far more people regret doing too much than too little, and it’s a reminder that sometimes less really is more.” —Lisa McClure

“Living in Southern California, it feels like everyone is expected to look 21 forever. I’ve chosen not to participate because I think we should celebrate the years we’ve survived rather than fight something that’s inevitable. Plus, everyone is going to look completely wacky in 10 or so years.” —Sarah K.

“Whether medical or other, I think it’s a personal decision, and you just do what’s best for you. Not for me now, may or may not be for me in one year or five years… Anti-aging is all society imposes on women, but I do not feel the pressure. I am confident in myself, and appearance is not a priority at this stage in life. If I were in the public eye and exposed to ridicule, I bet I’d feel different.” —Anonymous 40+ woman

“I don’t think I feel societal pressure to do things because I mostly ignore that stuff. I’m not against it; to each their own. I’m against people doing so many things to their faces that they start looking really weird. I’ve been turned off by some influencers because I’ve slowly watched their faces change, and not in a good way. I don’t think Botox necessarily does that to you, but when you add lip injections and other procedures, you get into that territory. Maybe one day I’d try it if I stopped liking what I saw in the mirror, but I’m also afraid when it comes to this stuff.” —Anonymous 40+ woman

“My priorities are exercise, healthy eating, and sleep, so I can feel good in my own skin without the quick Botox fix. But who knows, maybe at 50 I will notice that my face doesn’t match how I feel inside, and I will decide to inject something. I admire women, especially public figures, who age naturally. It’s weird to say, since aging is simply part of being human, but I see them as rebels who don’t follow the crowd and march to their own beat. In any case, women should do whatever they please with their own bodies, because right now it feels like we’re judged no matter what we choose.” —Živilė M.

"I never thought I’d be the type of person to get Botox, but lo and behold, I am. I do it once a year, but not because I equate beauty with youthfulness; I do it because, as a busy mom of two, it makes me look refreshed. It makes me feel good about myself and more confident when I look in the mirror. I encourage people to do whatever makes them feel good. I don’t think I’ll ever do more. I’m starting to see lines on the sides of my eyes, and I think they’re beautiful. I’m 41, not 18. I don’t want to turn back time. I think it’s good to see the life in my face and body, but I would appreciate it if society accepted those signs more.” —Jessica Nagel

“I’ve had small amounts of Botox every six months since I was 30 (except during babies), and I like that it’s softened wrinkles without making me look frozen. Now that it doesn’t last as long, I’m trying to accept using less and letting the wrinkles come, even though I definitely feel the pressure.” —Jacquie King

“Women today often look younger than previous generations because of prevention—SPF, less smoking and drinking, and better skincare. It’s changing our expectations of what 30, 40, and 50 are supposed to look like. I have Restylane (hyaluronic acid filler), which replaces what you lose with age.” —Chloe Alana Williams

“Growing up in Los Angeles gave me a complicated relationship with aging, and I go back and forth constantly. In the past, I have had Botox and other treatments, and as I near 56, I’m considering (natural-looking cheek, jaw, and elephant-dent) fillers, Dysport, and laser facials when finances allow. I refuse to chase the AI face, but I’m also trying to be compassionate with myself about my complicated feelings around getting older. See how this is just a see-saw? I can’t even get a sentence out without going back and forth, which is an accurate reflection of how I’m dealing with aging.” —Allison Walker

The more responses I read from women, the less I felt like this was really about Botox. It feels more like a conversation about the permission to age, to opt in or out of the pressure to preserve a youthful appearance, and—in some cases—the resulting shame of either choice. I wish society framed wrinkles and any other signs of aging as a life well lived rather than a structural defect. Like many of the women I spoke to, I too am somewhere in the middle. Grappling with getting older and how it changes us—and shifts our identity, beyond what we look like—is not always easy.

My relationship with my face

At the time of writing, my 40-year-old face has already been through a lot. In my twenties, I climbed the corporate career ladder only to realize it wasn’t what I wanted. I started a clothing brand that eventually failed, but it opened the door to building the freelance career I have today. In my early 30s, I got divorced and moved to the Netherlands, which all turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I lost my mom to Alzheimer’s in my late thirties. These are just a few highlights, but the stress and the joy of it all- that’s life.

My face is part of my life history. When I look in the mirror, I’m reminded that I’m strong and independent, and that both I—and my face—can weather whatever storms life throws at us. It also reminds me of the countless beautiful experiences that got me here.

Nowadays, I also see my mom in the mirror. It feels strange, but the thought of her being somewhere inside of me is comforting. When her Alzheimer’s progressed, she sometimes looked in the mirror and asked, “Who is that?” She knew she was looking at herself, but she didn’t like how she had aged. I thought she was beautiful until the very end.

I imagine that as I get older, I might long for the more youthful-looking version of myself, but I can’t help wondering whether that longing will come from nostalgia or because society has taught me that’s what I should miss. I already miss the version of myself who hadn’t yet learned certain things about life. There’s something freeing about naivety. But I also hope that, as the years pass, I’ll continue to feel proud of who I am—and how I look—at every stage of my life.

These days, I’m much more worried about the things you can’t see, like maintaining a healthy brain, strong bones, and good cholesterol levels. Is that too much to ask?

What my ChatGPT experiment revealed

Women account for the overwhelming majority (94%)⁴ of cosmetic Botox procedures, but apparently, “Brotox”⁵ is a thing now, too. I don’t necessarily think Botox is a feminist issue. I think it’s a personal decision, and to each their own. Feeling empowered to do what works best for you is what matters.

I’ve loved watching celebrities like Pamela Anderson embrace going makeup-free as an act of rebellion.⁶ But also, why do we even have to frame that as an act of rebellion? The fact that simply existing in your own face can be considered radical says something about the expectations women are still navigating. Pamela Anderson has been praised for rejecting Hollywood beauty standards, but she’s also been criticized for doing exactly that. It’s a good old case of damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

Nowadays, women have more spending power than ever before—go us! We’re earning more,⁷ building businesses, buying homes independently, and making financial decisions for ourselves. But of course, the beauty and cosmetic industry has noticed. There is an enormous financial incentive to convince us that aging is a problem with a solution that just happens to cost a few hundred dollars every few months.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized my curiosity about whether ChatGPT thought I needed Botox wasn’t really about Botox at all. It was about a deeper question that women, as we get older, are constantly confronted with:

Are we allowed to age?

Of course we fucking are. But then a multi-billion-dollar industry that profits from making us believe we shouldn’t would be out of business. Women wouldn’t be spending thousands of dollars each year out of fear of aging out of societal relevance, employment opportunities, and desirability,⁸ among other things!

Thanks for reading,

Alexis

P.S. It would mean a lot to me if you hit the ♡ button to help others find this post. Also, if you are able to upgrade your subscription or share my work with a friend, I would be so grateful! Thank you so much. (Also, I don’t have an editor, so pardon any misplaced commas or run-on sentences; I’m human. 🤗)

1. https://www.grandviewresearch.com/industry-analysis/anti-aging-products-market

2. https://laserandme.com/blog/botox-cost-nyc-2026/

3. https://www.madisonps.com/blog/global-plastic-surgery-statistics-country-by-country-breakdown

4. https://www.healthline.com/health/drugs/how-common-is-botox#percentage

5. https://edition.cnn.com/2026/03/25/style/men-aging-beauty-standards

6. https://www.today.com/style/beauty/pamela-anderson-makeup-free-rcna118487

7. https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2025/03/04/gender-pay-gap-in-us-has-narrowed-slightly-over-2-decades/

8. https://iwne.ee/why-are-so-many-young-women-afraid-of-ageing/